5 Surprising Life Events that Affect Your Libido

Posted 8:45 am, October 27th, 2011 by Zestra News

Mature couple smiling

Sex is a rare blend of physical and mental stimulants and not entirely understood by anyone (well, maybe Freud). Consequently, events, moods and physical conditions affect everyone’s libido differently. There are the obvious game-changers like infidelity, negative body image, resurfacing childhood trauma and a major illness. But who knew living with Grandma could crush your drive?

Below are five life events that could dampen your carnal interest.

Living with Grandma.

We’ll start with the one I mentioned. People who live with family members (or in some cases, frequent houseguests) are less likely to feel like engaging in intercourse. Between the lack of privacy and potential embarrassment of being interrupted, many couples decide the risk isn’t worth the reward.

Pink slips.

Losing a job can summon stress, embarrassment, financial worry and depression – all factors that can make you less interested in intercourse. In addition, many people’s senses of self-worth are inextricable from their professional identity. Without meaningful employment, they have a difficult time finding themselves worthy of love or sex with their partner.

Going on the wagon.

Quitting alcohol is a great thing in general – one can save money, lose a few pounds and become a more even-handed, even-tempered person – but beating the booze can impact, albeit temporarily, sex drive. This decline in libido is attributable less to the absence of beer goggles than experiencing performance anxiety without alcohol, which acts as a natural anxiolytic. Studies show, however, that though short-term interest in sex is diminished, the overall quality of physical encounters is improved in the long run.

The Change.

Hot flashes, night sweats, irregular periods, fatigue, mood swings – menopause isn’t exactly a picnic. But as if things weren’t bad enough, achieving a menopause orgasm is about as easy as telling your husband it’s time to chop the comb over. At a point where you’re already feeling less attractive, suddenly it takes forever to become aroused, and once there, the feeling is considerably less intense. Is there something wrong with you? You’re dry, uncomfortable and irritated. Will you ever feel the same excitement and explosive happiness of the past? The answer is yes. With evolving hormone replacement therapy and the option of using a female arousal product, there’s no reason your sex life can’t return to the highs of pre-menopause. Discuss the situation with your doctor and be sure to communicate to your partner that the difficulty you’re having is condition-based and not his fault.

Bun in the oven.

From a female perspective, being pregnant can be just a lot on top of too much. In the first trimester, most women experience a decrease in libido – a decline worse in those with marked morning sickness. With the elimination of morning sickness in the second trimester, libido returns and can even become stronger. (Those crazy hormones!) As the imminent mother grows larger, however, sex is often the last thing on her mind. Body image crushed, uncomfortable and feeling like a U-Haul, she’s more likely to obtain her endorphins over a tub of Ben & Jerry’s. Men are often concerned that sex may endanger the baby and, in some cases, have a difficult time psychologically separating the wife as sex object from the wife as mother. Unless ordered by your doctor, sex can continue safely through pregnancy, though you may need to experiment with positions and techniques.

While some of the aforementioned changes are physiological, the majority are emotional and mental. They are no less real, however. Rather than finding ways to avoid sex with your partner, talk to him or her about how you’re feeling and work through it together.

Check out these useful tips from sex experts who have a thing or two to say about female sexuality.

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