How to Enjoy Great Sex After 50

Posted 11:46 am, April 25th, 2011

by Rosann

Guest blogger Pamela Madsen, author of Shameless: How I Ditched the Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure…and Somehow Got Home in Time To Cook Dinner, discusses how to keep it sexy after 50. Pamela emphatically believes that great sex does not have to end just because you got your AARP Card! This article first appeared on Psychologytoday.com.

I am here to shout from the roof tops that great sex does not have to end just because you are getting older! One of the most common questions that I am asked by my fifty something coaching clients is what can they do to keep it sexy after 50. So I have created some helpful tips to keep you humming!

Are You Lover Ready?

Never underestimate the value of breath mints! I am really not kidding – somehow when we are in relationship for a while, we let things go. We come to bed in sweat pants and torn tee shirts. We give our best at the office where we carry the peppermints – but sometimes come to bed without brushing our teeth! When you come to bed are you “Lover Ready” or more likely ready to turn your back?

I always find the suggestion of a date night so cliché. But date nights are really important. It’s important to leave those tennis shoes at home and get dressed up! It is only by courting each other that we get to remember the person that you fell in love with. Keep the connection and communication alive by not bringing your problems to dinner. Don’t bring up the issues with the kids, or financial problems. Really they can wait! Instead focus on your dreams – and what kind of adventure your guys could plan if you could create the time away. In addition, if you can get away – go! The truth is that sex in a hotel room can be the best sex of all.

Flipping The Sex Switch on in Your Brain

Sex is about more than procreation and it can get better with age. Yes – sex changes as we get older. Our hormones wane – and this can actually be a good thing! If we are not in the frenzy of hormone driven sex – we can take advantage of the slowing down. There is opportunity in the slowing down where a deepening sensuality can grow.

Remember that young sex is hormone driven. Those raging hormones get us running around those bases like we are in a race. Isn’t it hard to taste your food while you are running? As our hormones soften – we can too and perhaps finally begin to truly pay attention to what we are doing. Slow down and get sensual.

Let you hot deep desire soften into love and gentleness. Let go of what love making used to look like – that was so last year. It’s time to let go of who you used to be as a sexual creature and say hello to who you are now. Many people believe that making love (sex) starts in our brains. It’s about how you think of yourself. If you think you are old and your sexuality is dead then most likely you will act old and you sexuality will be dead. Instead – let’s flip the sex switch back on – and let the blood flow!

Sex is About More Than Intercourse!

It’s time for an attitude adjustment! If you are a man over 50 – you do not need to be a roaring stallion anymore. Chances are your woman would be just as happy if you learned how to explore the other arts of love making! Explore things like oral sex and all body touch. Slow it down and do a little research on how to make your touch sexier. There are some great resources out there. Explore educational videos that can teach you how to use your mouth and hands more effectively! And maybe it’s time to see what is going on at your local sex store! Sex toys are fun – and they can really inspire you to be innovative in your play!

The Changing Body

Both men and women experience changes in our bodes as we age. Women may find that they are now experiencing thinness in their vaginal walls and dryness. Men may experience a drop in testosterone while women are losing estrogen. Talk to your doctor about exploring Bio Identical Hormone Therapy. Some experts believe that changes in diet, increasing exercise, acupuncture and even doing kegals for both men and women can really help. Learn about the little blue pill, lubricants, arousal gels for women and become an innovative thinker.

Menopause or Manopause is no reason for sex to stop. Sexless marriages and sexless single lives do not have to happen simply because we age or our bodies change. In fact these changes can bring added gifts. It is possible to become a hotter lover and be more sexually active than we ever were when we were younger. Come on….have you ever done a sexy Skype conversation with your partner?

See? The possibilities are endless!

Pamela Madsen

Pamela Madsen is a fertility/sex educator, blogger, author of Shameless (Rodale, Jan 2011), motivational speaker and founder of The American Fertility Association. She is also a certified somatic sex educator with a coaching practice that focuses on helping people create the next big thing in their lives, as well as supporting her clients in issues related to sexuality and fertility.  To learn more about Pamela, please visit her website http://www.BeingShameless.com and her daily blog, thefertilityadvocate.com.

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Rosann

Rosann

Rosann Fisher is Internet Marketing Manager at Semprae Laboratories, Inc.

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What’s In a Name?

Posted 11:56 am, April 19th, 2011

by Rosann

Recently, the term “cougar” has been popping up everywhere – from celebrity women who date and marry younger men, to shows like ABC’s Cougar Town. But, what’s in a name, or for our purposes, a kitty cat term? It all depends on how you look at it. Cougars tend to be described as women pursuing younger men (hence, the predatory cat reference). However, in reality, women over 40 who are confidant and radiant, are attracting younger men because of who they are and the energy they convey.

At Zestra, we like to think of cougars as a women who sparkle, thanks to Linda Franklin, author of Don’t Call me Ma’am. Linda says a Real Cougar Woman is a 5-carat diamond with each of the 5-carats representing an essential facet of her life, including health, beauty, relationships, finance and spirituality. A cougar refuses to be defined by the age of the man she chooses to be with and ignores preconceived notions about aging and sexuality.

Together with our friends at SkinnyScoop, we’d love to know what you think: Is being called a Cougar good or bad? And, for more questions like this, take the full quiz and find out how many women think age is just a state of mind.

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Rosann

Rosann

Rosann Fisher is Internet Marketing Manager at Semprae Laboratories, Inc.

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Does It Always Have to Be About the Penis?

Posted 4:46 pm, April 11th, 2011

by Rosann

It seams that many of my patients this month were talking about “the penis.”  What could this mean?  Women are now becoming more comfortable when it comes to discussing their own sexuality and sexual needs – we see more sexually explicit scenes on television and movies, stronger women who are sexually veracious and we are pushing the sexual envelop more and more.  Women are now seeking specialized care from  sexuality specialists to treat their sexual complaints whether it is painful intercourse, loss of libido or changes in orgasmic intensity and latency.  The woman, herself, feels that her sexual satisfaction is her own responsibility – and a very important one at that.  In the not so recent past, women were often made to feel reliant on their sexual partner for sexual satisfaction, the woman complied with his advances and hoped and often prayed his “sexual moves” would do the trick to excite and entice her sexually.  A woman was often expected to be passive in sex play and if by some chance she happened to be sexually dissatisfied, it was never the man’s fault.  She was often blamed and erroneously labeled as sexually frigid.  Thankfully, the tides are changing, albeit slowly, that a woman must solely rely on her partner, his technique or his penis, to ensure her own sexual satisfaction. Women are now taking ownership for their sexual satisfaction! The concept that sex is all about the penis is slowly falling to the wayside, the female sexual satisfaction revolution moves forward.

In my sexuality center, women are asking more detailed questions about their own sexual response and anatomy and are seeking proactive solutions for their sexual concerns or difficulties.  Effective solutions are available.  My patients have experienced particularly good results with topically applied Zestra®- patented blend of essential oils and extracts which has been clinically tested to enhance sexual satisfaction.  Purchase online or in the privacy of your own home and feel proactive on her journey towards sexual revival and satisfaction.

Just remember, it’s not all about the penis – it’s about you too, ladies.

This month’s tip “From the desk of the Sexual Medicine Gynecologist” was provided by guest blogger Dr. Michael L. Krychman, Executive Director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine.

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Rosann

Rosann

Rosann Fisher is Internet Marketing Manager at Semprae Laboratories, Inc.

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How to Eliminate Sexual Boredom

Posted 12:17 pm, April 7th, 2011

by Rosann

The Path from Tiresome to Thrilling: How to Eliminate Sexual Boredom

What is Sexual boredom? Even if you absolutely love chocolate chip cookies having them every night week after week, day after day and year after year can lead to some periods of monotony.  Sexual boredom is not uncommon for many couples.  Many couples need to modify the sexual  routine by changing the erotic script.  Changes in what you do sexually with your partner can also affect your your biology by modifying your hormones; novelty can increase the hormones and neurotransmitters that may lead heightened  intimacy and an enhanced bonding experience.

What is most important is that you and your partner feel comfortable with any transformations  to your sexual habits.

Try combining your secret desires into a real fantasy that you both would feel comfortable sharing or even acting out.  Consider your own  turn ons and what you’d like to have your partner do to you.

Be a Good Person and Lover

Its important to stay positive and constructive- criticism rarely makes for a happy sexual home life.  Also keep your sense of humor- life is often a challenge and pull together with your partner rather thank argue and fight.  Your partner can not read your mind- direct communication with your lover is important

Make it Real

Fantasy can turn into reality and it may translate into sexual excitement and adventure. For example, you may want to try pretend not knowing  each other in public places — then meet and see how the evening unfolds. Role playing with costumes and scenes also are exciting for both partners as they can live out fantasies in a safe environment.  Its always important to chat about your own personal boundaries and sexual limitations.

Play with Props

Sexual accessories can help add some excitement into the boring bedroom, Try things like sexy lingere or furry handcuffs or edible oils, sexual accessories or even costumes. Use all your senses and consider experimenting with sensual massage.  A favorite of many men and women is Zestra ® sexual enhancing oil which can be used during lovemaking to give a new WOW factor.  Many enjoy it on a regular basis to increase orgasmic intensity and pleasure.  Some women buy it for themselves and their partners to enjoy while many male partners indulge and want to bring their female sexual partners to a new level of sexual joy.  Try the zesta rush to make the mundane magically.

Seek Adventure

Try something adventurous outside the bedroom. Novelty and excitement produce a neurochemical reaction that may evoke  feelings you experience at the beginning of a new and exciting relationship. Try a rollercoaster, dancing naked in the living room or if you are more daring try skydiving, bungee jumping, or mountain climbing. Maybe even sex in the kitchen with the lights on!

Keep Active

Explore a new activity as a couple, especially one that uses your body. You could try dance lessons, tennis lessons, meditation or  yoga, or massage classes.  Some couples prefer take cooking,  language classes together  or even a massage class.  There are even erotic weekends you can attend to help rekindle your sexual romance.

This month’s tip was provided by guest blogger Dr. Michael L. Krychman, Executive Director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine.

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Rosann

Rosann

Rosann Fisher is Internet Marketing Manager at Semprae Laboratories, Inc.

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What is Zestra? A big no-no for major networks

Posted 11:08 am, March 24th, 2011

by Rosann

Holy Kaw!, a section of the content aggregator website Alltop, wrote about the sudden concern for taste network executives had when they refused to air commercials for “female sexual aid” Zestra. Read about their take on the issue here: http://holykaw.alltop.com/what-is-zestra-a-big-no-no-for-major-networks

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Rosann

Rosann

Rosann Fisher is Internet Marketing Manager at Semprae Laboratories, Inc.

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Sex: The More You Have – The More You Want?

Posted 2:34 pm, March 22nd, 2011

by Rosann

Today guest blogger Pamela Madsen, author of Shameless: How I Ditched the Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure…and Somehow Got Home in Time To Cook Dinner, discusses the unexpected hunger pangs that can happen after sexually starving ourselves. And, she also shares how we can all use this new found sexual energy to our advantage in life, love and everything in between. This article first appeared on Psychologytoday.com.

“If you don’t use it…you lose it”.

Have you ever heard that phrase? How about “The more you get – the more you want?” Have you noticed that the word “insatiable” goes so well with the word “desire”? Almost like peanut butter and jelly!

There have been times in my own sexual awakening that I started to feel exploring my sexuality is like that old saying about eating Chinese food. You can have a delicious meal and twenty minutes later you are hungry again!

Maybe I am exaggerating just a little, but I do think that if you do not stir the pot of your sexual being – you can become dormant just like a hibernating bear. Have you ever seen a hibernating bear on one of those nature shows after he wakes up? Just like the bear – once you wake up and begin to feed yourself – you can find that your hunger is extraordinary. And that hunger can be quite unsettling. How do we manage our hunger?

I love to talk about us “waking up your sleeping beauty!” And what I mean by that – is reawakening our sexual selves. But what happens when Beauty wakes up and the Prince is snoring? Or there is no Prince? How does Beauty feed herself? Or Visa Versa!

I have been steeped in desire lately – I have a Shameless Life Coaching practice – and one of my clients is a lovely woman who I am going to call “Gena”. Gena is in her forties and has two kids, runs her own business and after reading my book Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time To Cook Dinner began to explore her own sexuality by working with me and a Certified Sexological Bodyworker.

Guess what happened? Her inner “Sleeping Beauty” woke up! WoooHoooo! Fantastic! Well, actually feeling our newly found sexual awakening can sometimes be uncomfortable.

Once we start exploring what we desires, figure out how desire looks for us and how to reach for them – things can really heat up for us in our lives! Gena recently said to me…

“Speaking of desire I have a subject that I hope to get feedback about. I have a terrible time focusing on the requirements of my daily life. Since I started do deeply explore this part of myself – I have become so focused on sex! I have a business to run, friends, kids, parents, etc.

I crave all that goes with this quest. Following discussion groups, reading, watching videos, having more experiences, experimenting with Zestra and other ways of exploring my own sexuality for myself. And all of this learning, all seem to tug at me when I really should be working or doing the more routine, and often less fulfilling parts of my life. I don’t feel comfortable sharing much of this with anyone in my immediate circle, which is obviously a problem I have to work on. I desire comfort in this new found joy. I’m unsettled. Like I’m waiting for something. It’s hard to sit with the pleasure and happiness I experience in increasing amounts as I learn and incorporate more of the eroticism and deep excitement I often feel. Maybe that’s it. Too much excitement for everyday pursuits.

How do other people deal with this? What do you do with an inability to satisfy yourself, in a complete, overall way? It seems like no matter what I experience I still have insatiable desire for more”.

I don’t think that Gena is alone. After we starve ourselves – and then taste food for the first time in a long time – it can be pretty overwhelming. The good news is that is we continue to feed ourselves things to become more balanced in our lives – and we end up in a much place in our lives.

What I have found is that it comes in waves. This this insatiable need for more in the beginning of ending our sensual deep snooze.

Again, I liken it to survivors of famine who for a while after they are rescued hoard food or cannot stop eating. So many of us are starving in our bodies for sensual pleasure and the road that it can take us down – a full, healthy integrated life.

It’s just that sometimes we don’t know our hunger until we jump start our bodies and come out of hibernation. And then the food tastes so sweet and our bodies just cannot get enough because we went too long without feeding it.

My suggestion is to everyone who is just beginning to wake up again sexually in their lives is to to notice your hunger. I am noticing mine, and as you are able to  – feed yourself. Perhaps you need a little more right now – then let your body have it. Reassure your body that you will not take this away from yourself ever again – that it IS available.

If you can afford it, explore taking a workshop and indulge yourself a bit. Look for new ways to feed and explore your own sexuality. Pleasure and sexuality can be found in so many things! Use your new found sexual energy to channel your creativity! Painting, taking up photography, cooking, dancing and yoga are all great ways to continue to explore and use your nearly emerging sexual energy.

Feeding yourself can be buying long black stockings and wearing them just for yourself! I have begun to buy beautiful bath products. I am addicted at the moment to LUSH. I give myself special long sexy baths .I acknowledge and feed my desire in different ways.

Please don’t be frightened of your desires. Feed yourself in ways that reassures your body and your mind will be much more free to do what you need to do. Notice your desire. Do not judge it or decide that it is too much.

Consider seeing and feeling your desire as an indicator of your vitality! I often feel my desire in that way. I choose to feel that I am a beautiful sexual being in full bloom! When I feel my deep desire….I imagine myself as that flower after the rain and I all myself to enjoy the feeling.

I believe that as our bodies learn that we will never go to sleep on ourselves again that we will become less agitated with all of these new feelings and we will become more fulfilled in how we live our daily lives. Sex is not an end point – it is an integral part of who we are.

For now, I have advised my client to eat freely and eat often.  I am so glad that Gena woke up! And she is not alone. So many of us are finally acknowledging our desires, and wanting more for ourselves in this life.  Feeling all of those feelings it isn’t always comfortable especially in the beginning  – but isn’t it so much better than being asleep?

Pamela Madsen

Pamela Madsen is a fertility/sex educator, blogger, author of Shameless (Rodale, Jan 2011), motivational speaker and founder of The American Fertility Association. She is also a certified somatic sex educator with a coaching practice that focuses on helping people create the next big thing in their lives, as well as supporting her clients in issues related to sexuality and fertility.  To learn more about Pamela, please visit her website http://www.BeingShameless.com and her daily blog, thefertilityadvocate.com.

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Rosann

Rosann

Rosann Fisher is Internet Marketing Manager at Semprae Laboratories, Inc.

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