Guest blogger Pamela Madsen, author of Shameless: How I Ditched the Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure…and Somehow Got Home in Time To Cook Dinner, discusses how to keep it sexy after 50. Pamela emphatically believes that great sex does not have to end just because you got your AARP Card! This article first appeared on Psychologytoday.com.
I am here to shout from the roof tops that great sex does not have to end just because you are getting older! One of the most common questions that I am asked by my fifty something coaching clients is what can they do to keep it sexy after 50. So I have created some helpful tips to keep you humming!
Are You Lover Ready?
Never underestimate the value of breath mints! I am really not kidding – somehow when we are in relationship for a while, we let things go. We come to bed in sweat pants and torn tee shirts. We give our best at the office where we carry the peppermints – but sometimes come to bed without brushing our teeth! When you come to bed are you “Lover Ready” or more likely ready to turn your back?
I always find the suggestion of a date night so cliché. But date nights are really important. It’s important to leave those tennis shoes at home and get dressed up! It is only by courting each other that we get to remember the person that you fell in love with. Keep the connection and communication alive by not bringing your problems to dinner. Don’t bring up the issues with the kids, or financial problems. Really they can wait! Instead focus on your dreams – and what kind of adventure your guys could plan if you could create the time away. In addition, if you can get away – go! The truth is that sex in a hotel room can be the best sex of all.
Flipping The Sex Switch on in Your Brain
Sex is about more than procreation and it can get better with age. Yes – sex changes as we get older. Our hormones wane – and this can actually be a good thing! If we are not in the frenzy of hormone driven sex – we can take advantage of the slowing down. There is opportunity in the slowing down where a deepening sensuality can grow.
Remember that young sex is hormone driven. Those raging hormones get us running around those bases like we are in a race. Isn’t it hard to taste your food while you are running? As our hormones soften – we can too and perhaps finally begin to truly pay attention to what we are doing. Slow down and get sensual.
Let you hot deep desire soften into love and gentleness. Let go of what love making used to look like – that was so last year. It’s time to let go of who you used to be as a sexual creature and say hello to who you are now. Many people believe that making love (sex) starts in our brains. It’s about how you think of yourself. If you think you are old and your sexuality is dead then most likely you will act old and you sexuality will be dead. Instead – let’s flip the sex switch back on – and let the blood flow!
Sex is About More Than Intercourse!
It’s time for an attitude adjustment! If you are a man over 50 – you do not need to be a roaring stallion anymore. Chances are your woman would be just as happy if you learned how to explore the other arts of love making! Explore things like oral sex and all body touch. Slow it down and do a little research on how to make your touch sexier. There are some great resources out there. Explore educational videos that can teach you how to use your mouth and hands more effectively! And maybe it’s time to see what is going on at your local sex store! Sex toys are fun – and they can really inspire you to be innovative in your play!
The Changing Body
Both men and women experience changes in our bodes as we age. Women may find that they are now experiencing thinness in their vaginal walls and dryness. Men may experience a drop in testosterone while women are losing estrogen. Talk to your doctor about exploring Bio Identical Hormone Therapy. Some experts believe that changes in diet, increasing exercise, acupuncture and even doing kegals for both men and women can really help. Learn about the little blue pill, lubricants, arousal gels for women and become an innovative thinker.
Menopause or Manopause is no reason for sex to stop. Sexless marriages and sexless single lives do not have to happen simply because we age or our bodies change. In fact these changes can bring added gifts. It is possible to become a hotter lover and be more sexually active than we ever were when we were younger. Come on….have you ever done a sexy Skype conversation with your partner?
See? The possibilities are endless!
Pamela Madsen is a fertility/sex educator, blogger, author of Shameless (Rodale, Jan 2011), motivational speaker and founder of The American Fertility Association. She is also a certified somatic sex educator with a coaching practice that focuses on helping people create the next big thing in their lives, as well as supporting her clients in issues related to sexuality and fertility. To learn more about Pamela, please visit her website http://www.BeingShameless.com and her daily blog, thefertilityadvocate.com.